http://apologeticspress.org/APContent.aspx?category=11&article=1237
The Sacredness of Marriage
Since its inception, the United States of America has been a country
whose Founding Fathers recognized the need for God in public life, and
the need for Bible principles of morality to govern and structure
American society. Our Founding Fathers recognized that if our country
ever strayed significantly away from these foundational moral,
spiritual, and ethical principles, we would be doomed as a nation. For
150 years, our society recognized the importance of what some are
calling the “traditional family,” i.e., a husband and a wife who marry
for life and rear their children together. Divorce was almost unheard of
in this country. When it did occur, it was regarded as deviant
behavior. Family disruption in the form of separation, divorce, and
out-of-wedlock birth were kept to a minimum by strong religious, social,
and even legal sanctions. Immediately after World War II, most American
children grew up in a family with both biological parents who were
married to each other.
This state of affairs held sway up through the 1940s and 1950s. In
fact, disruption of the traditional American family reached a historic
low in the 1950s and early 1960s. But then something happened (see
Whitehead, 1993). Beginning in about 1965, the divorce rate suddenly
skyrocketed, more than doubling over the next fifteen years. By 1974,
divorce passed death as the leading cause of family breakup. By 1980,
only fifty percent of children could expect to spend their entire
childhood with both their parents. Now half of all marriages end in
divorce. Every year a million children go through divorce or separation,
and almost as many more are born out of wedlock. People who remarry
after divorce are more likely to break up than couples in first
marriages. The same is true for couples who just live together.
Overall child well-being has declined, despite a decrease in the number
of children per family, an increase in the educational level of
parents, and historically high levels of public spending. The teen
suicide has more than tripled. Juvenile crime has increased and become
more violent. School performance has continued to decline. Some
sociologists are now recognizing the incredibly harmful effect these
circumstances are having on our country and the homes of America. They
are beginning to realize the relationship between family structure and
declining child well-being. Some are even admitting that the social
arrangement that has proved most successful in ensuring the physical
survival and promoting the social development of the child is the family
unit of the biological mother and father.
But our society as a whole has been slow to see family disruption as a
severe national problem. Why? A fundamental shift has occurred in our
culture with reference to religious and moral value. Much of our society
has jettisoned the Bible as the absolute standard of behavior. The
Bible is no longer considered to be the authoritative regulator of daily
living. Many, perhaps most, Americans no longer feel that divorce is
wrong. “Irreconcilable differences” and “incompatibility” are seen as
perfectly legitimate reasons for divorce—flying directly in the face of
Bible teaching. Many Americans no longer feel that a couple simply
living together without marriage is morally wrong. By the mid-1970s,
three-fourths of Americans said that it is not morally wrong for a woman
to have a child outside marriage.
We could debate the causes of this basic cultural shifting. I would
argue that the influence of evolution and humanism in our educational
system, the impact of feminism, the increased participation of women in
the work force to the neglect of their children, the widespread
prosperity that we enjoy as a nation (causing us to forget God and to
indulge ourselves)—these and other factors have contributed to our moral
decline. Hollywood, television, and the cinema have unquestionably
glamorized, defended, and promoted divorce, premarital sex, unwed
motherhood, abortion, and the use of alcohol, filthy language, and many
other immoral behaviors.
Ironically—and tragically—the media have been working overtime to
discredit the married, two-parent family by playing up instances of
incest, violence, and abuse. If a family has religious inclinations, its
members are depicted on programs as weirdoes and deviants. In fact, it
is surely disgusting to the sensibilities of the morally upright that
what was once mainstream and normal (i.e., the religious, church-going,
two-parent family) is being demonized and ridiculed, while behavior that
once was considered deviant, reprehensible, and immoral is paraded
before society—on TV, in the news, and in the courts—as the social norm.
Anyone who lifts a finger to speak against such immorality is berated
as “homophobic,” “prejudiced,” “judgmental,” “mean-spirited,” and guilty
of a “hate crime.”
Two illustrations of the undermining of the marriage relationship as
God intended are the recent decisions regarding homosexuality by the
United States Supreme Court and the Episcopal Church. By a 62-45 vote,
the Episcopal House of Bishops elected the denomination’s first
homosexual bishop on August 5, 2003 (see Duin, 2003). Only days earlier,
the Supreme Court ruled that sodomy laws are unconstitutional—even
though sodomy was treated as a criminal offense in all of the original
thirteen colonies and eventually every one of the fifty states (see
Robinson, 2003; “Sodomy Laws,” 2003). Sadly, a generation has arisen who
simply does not share the values of its parents, grandparents, and
great-grandparents. Sexual fidelity, lifelong marriage, and parenthood
are simply no longer held up as worthwhile personal goals.
All of this self-centeredness has taken its greatest toll on the
children. The erosion of basic moral values in exchange for pluralism,
the growing tolerance of moral and ethical diversity, the shifting of
emphasis to choice, freedom, and self-expression, have all inflicted
great damage on marriage and the family—especially the children. The
fuller body of empirical research now documents a number of startling
conclusions:
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Divorce almost always brings a decline in the standard of living for
the mother and children, plus a dependence on welfare; children in
single-parent homes are far more likely to propagate the same behavior.
-
Children never fully recover from divorce. Five, ten, fifteen years
after a divorce, the children suffer from depression, under-achievement,
and ultimately, their own troubled relationships.
-
Young adults from disrupted families are nearly twice as likely as those from intact families to receive psychological help.
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Children in disrupted families are nearly twice as likely as those in
intact families to drop out of high school. Those who remain in school
show significant differences in educational attainment from those
children who grow up in intact families.
-
Remarriage does not reproduce nor restore the intact family structure.
The latest research confirms that stepparents cannot replace the
original home.
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For children whose parents divorced, the risk of divorce is two to
three times greater than it is for children from married parent
families.
These findings—and many others—underscore the importance of both a
mother and a father in fostering the emotional well-being of children.
But even more far-reaching effects have been documented—effects that
impact society at large beyond the confines of the family. Authorities
now are beginning to admit that a central cause of our most pressing
social problems (i.e., poverty, crime, and school performance) is the
breakup of the traditional American family.
What is even more startling is the fact that as an institution,
marriage has lost much of its legal, religious, and social meaning and
authority. For most of American history, marriage was one of the most
important rites of passage in life. But now, marriage has lost much of
its role and significance as a rite of passage. Sex is increasingly
detached from the promise or expectation of marriage. Cohabitation is
emerging as a significant experience for young adults. It is now
replacing marriage as the first living together union. It is estimated
that a quarter of unmarried women between the ages of 25 and 39 are
currently living with a partner, and about half have lived at some time
with an unmarried partner. Referring to this state of affairs as “the
deinstitutionalization of marriage,” researchers at the National
Marriage Project at Rutgers University concluded: “Taken together, the
marriage indicators do not argue for optimism about a quick or
widespread comeback of marriage. Persistent long-term trends suggest a
steady weakening of marriage as a lasting union, a major stage in the
adult life course, and as the primary institution governing childbearing
and parenthood” (Popenoe and Whitehead, 1999).
Make no mistake: the social science evidence clearly documents the fact
that the breakdown of the traditional two-parent, biological
husband-wife family is a major factor contributing to the overall moral,
religious, and ethical decline of our country. The social fabric of
American civilization is literally tearing apart. The social arrangement
that has proved most successful in ensuring the physical survival, and
promoting the social development, of the child is the family unit of the
biological mother and father. America is in deep trouble.
Our society is not likely to solve these massive problems. The liberal
elite has been operating with great vigor for over forty years to push
our country into “value neutrality” and “political correctness.” The
clear-cut restraints and distinctions between right and wrong so typical
of American culture in the past have been systematically dismantled.
Relativism has taken the place of objective, absolute truth. The
glorification of the individual has encouraged people to determine for
themselves right and wrong—rather than looking outside themselves to the
Transcendent Creator of the Universe. Consequently, whatever the
individual
feels is right is sanctioned as right—at least for
that individual. The absolute standard of moral value and human
behavior—that previously governed our nation—has been successfully
supplanted. Subjectivity reigns supreme, and God has been effectively
severed from human culture. “Everyone did what was right in his own
eyes” (Judges 21:12).
GOD’S VIEW OF THE MATTER
The fact remains that there is a God in heaven (Daniel 2:28). God has
spoken to the human race through His written Word, i.e., the Bible. In
that inspired communication, He has designated the structure of society.
He created male and female with the intention for one man to marry one
woman for life (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4-6). Here is the foundational
building block of humanity. That is His simple will on the matter. He
hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). The only way He permits divorce is if one
marriage partner divorces the other marriage partner for the one reason
that the marriage partner has committed fornication, i.e., illicit
sexual intercourse. Upon that basis alone, God allows the innocent
partner to put away that unfaithful mate and form a second marriage
(Matthew 19:3-9).
God intended for the husband and wife to produce children who, in turn,
are to receive nurturing and care from their parents in a stable,
loving home (Ephesians 6:1-4; Colossians 3:18-21). In this divinely
ordained institution of the home, God intended that children receive the
necessary instruction and training to prepare them to be productive,
honest, God-fearing, hard-working citizens of their country. The home
was designed by God to impart to each succeeding generation proper
religious, moral, and social principles that would in turn make their
nation strong and virtuous. The Bible is filled with references to the
essential ingredients of healthy family life (e.g., Deuteronomy 4:7-9;
6:1-9; 11:18-21; 32:46-47; Psalm 127; Proverbs 5:15-20; 6:20-35; 11:29;
12:4; 14:1; 15:25,27; 17:1,13; 31:10-31), including proper parenting
skills (Proverbs 13:24; 19:18; 22:15; 23:13-14; 29:15,17; Ephesians
6:1-4).
CONCLUSION
How simple! The solution to the confusion and corruption that has
gripped American civilization is simple—if hearts are humbly yielded to
the will of God. If we could get our families back on track according to
God’s will, we could get our nation back on track. It starts with you
and me. We must believe in, affirm to others, and conform ourselves to
the sacredness of marriage.
REFERENCES
Duin, Julia (2003), “Gay Bishop Sets Off Talk of Episcopal Schism,”
The Washington Times, [On-line],
URL: http://www.dynamic.washtimes.com/print_story.cfm?StoryID=20030806-123147-7931r.
Popenoe, David and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead (1999), “What’s Happening to Marriage?” [On-line],
URL: http//marriage.Rutgers.edu/Publications/pubwhatshappening.htm.
Robinson, B.A. (2003), “Criminalizing Same-Sex Behavior,” [On-line],
URL: http://www.religioustolerance.org/hom_laws1.htm.
“Sodomy Laws in the United States,” (2003), [On-line],
URL: http://www.sodomylaws.org/usa/usa.htm.
Whitehead, Barbara (1993), “Dan Quayle Was Right,”
The Atlantic Monthly, [On-line],
URL: http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/family/danquayl.htm.
