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Tune Up Your Relationships
A Personal Tune Up by Ben Fronczek
Part 1 Tune Up Your Relationships Phil. 2:1-8
Opening Story: Many years ago my dad and I decided to take his old boat out on Saratoga Lake and go fishing. There were few things he liked to do more than spend some time out in a boat and fish. Well I got the old 25 hp Johnson motor running and we headed down the lake a couple of miles to one of our favorite fishing spots. Later when we decided to move, when I tried to start the motor but I had a hard time starting it. It spit and sputtered and ran for a little while and then quit. I started it again and it spit and sputtered and quit again. But then I could not start it at all. No matter what I did it just would not start. We had a little electric trolling motor and so we used that to try to propel us back to the boat launch but we were just too far away. I used the electric motor until the wire began to smoke and the battery eventually died but we were still over a mile from the boat launch and wind had picked up and was blowing us in the opposite direction. At that point we were a bit concerned because we did not even have a set of oars in the boat to row our way back to the launch. We decided to break the tops off our tackle boxes and lean over the side of the boat and use them as oars. By this point, my did was not a happy camper saying a number of choice words. I eventually remembered that I had my cell phone and I called my wife and asked her to drive to the boat launch and ask someone with boat to come out and rescue us and give us a tow back to safety. This she did, and we were towed back to the dock less that hour later.
Now what was wrong with our outboard motor? Well we did not maintain it as well as we should have. It hadn’t been tuned up or serviced in years. That’s the problem with not taking care of some things, they eventually deteriorate, fall apart, and will stop working when you need them the most. But if you take the time to do some preventative maintenance, and give them a tune up they perform they way they should if not better for a long time.
The same it true for us. There are certain aspects of our life that we need to maintain, even tune up, because if we neglect these certain area of our life, things can begin to deteriorate, start falling apart or even stop working.
Over the next few weeks I would like to present a series of lesson called, A Personal Tune up.
I want to discuss certain aspects of our life that we need to maintain if not tune-up so that we don’t get in trouble or allow certain aspects of our life to fall apart.
In this particular lesson I would like to talk about what we need to do to maintain or tune-up how we deal with PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS.
As some of you know, one of the biggest causes of unhappiness in our world is strained relationships. Conflict kills happiness. I am by no means an expert when it comes to maintaining relationship but I would like to share with you some observations I learned over the years. For example:
I. Don’t sabotage your relationship by sinning. If you are married and you let your eyes wander too much you will begin to sabotage your marriage. Likewise, don’t lie or abuse, or steal from, or gossip about those you want to have a good a relationship with. Doing such things is like pour a little bit of sand into your gas tank. It won’t destroy the engine right away but there will come a point when enough sand gets in there it will ruin the engine. Likewise, sin will ruin a relationship.
II. There are also things that we can do to ‘tune up’ our relationships. But this may require attitude adjustments on our part. Sometimes when you tune up an engine you have to adjust the carburetor or adjust the timing in order to help the engine run properly, sometime we need to adjust some of our attitudes to improve how we handle certain relationships. For example:
If you want to maintain a good relationship…
A. We may have to deny self a bit and learn to seek the highest good of those around us. James wrote in 4:1-2 “1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight.”
Selfish attitudes destroy relationships!
Jesus taught that we should seek the highest good of others. That’s what agape love is all about. He told us to love others the way we want to be loved, and treat one others the way we want to be treated, and to love others like He loved us and was willing to give Himself up for us.
1) Such love may require us shut our mouth and open up our ears and really listen when the other person need to talk or vent.
2) It may mean that we need to start giving gentle encouragement when we see that the other has doubts about their ability. This is like putting high test fuel in their gas tank.
3) It may require spending more quality time with the person or helping them in some personal way, putting we want to do aside for a while.
4) It may even mean giving that person more space or even a rebuke.
Whatever it takes to seek their highest good. And in most cases we are the ones who need to learn to humble and deny self in order to do this.
B. Another thing that will help tune up a relationship is learning to make a real effort to communicate better. Not just communicating what YOU have to say better, but also being humble enough to hear what the other person has to say. All too often we seem to think our opinion and ideas are more important that everyone else’s. Good communication is a two way street. Good communication skills are like good clean oil in a engine. The parts are well lubricated and it helps the engine run smooth. Run an engine without oil or real dirty oil and it will heat up and it will begin to break down. If there is little or poor communication then the relationship can heat up and begin to break down.
C. Another way to maintain or tune up a relationship is to make a personal commitment to that relationship and regularly re-affirm that commitment. This is something we find David and Jonathan doing in scripture. (1 Samuel 20:17)
So first we need to get it set in our mind that you want this relationship.
Then, sometimes we need to reaffirm the relationship with words and there are other time we reaffirm how much we care by what we do. It is like the regular maintenance we need to perform on a car to keep it going. It can be words of encouragement, a good positive discussion free from worry and concerns, or complements, small gifts or even outings. These little things go a long way in keep a relationship healthy. Stop doing these things and you will wind up like my dad and I wondering why his motor wasn’t running anymore.
D. And one last thing I would like to mention today that is important and may require an attitude adjustment on our part is knowing when to apologize when we mess up. I know I mess up at times because I let self and what I want get in the way. A sincere apology is a way to help make things right again; or it’s at least a start.
How many of you have let your lawn mower run out of gas in the middle of cutting your lawn, or how many of you had problems with your vehicle because you put of taking care of something your needed to repair or maintain? If you value the machine or car you don’t trash it. You do what you need to do to take care of it and make it right before it is permanently broken. Likewise if you value that relationship you need to make it right with the person and fix what you can before ithe relationship is permanently broken.
In Matt. 5:23-24 Jesus said, “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”
He goes on to say ‘Settle matter quickly when you know that someone has a problem with you.’ Or, man don’t put it off! Don’t let that relationship fall apart because you are too proud to say you are sorry and make things right.
Conclusion:
These are just a few suggestions on how to tune up or maintain the relationships you have with others. As you read God’s word you will find even more.
For example in closing I would like to read to you what the apostle Paul wrote to the Philippians in 2:1-8
“ If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very natureof a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross!”
When a person starts going to church most realize that we may need to make some changes in our life. We don’t need a tune up, to begin with we need an overhaul; we are that broken. Only Jesus can fix us then and make us that right. That’s why He went to the cross; to repair and restore our souls. If you haven’t let Him do that yet let Him do it today by trusting Him as your savior and putting yourself in His hands and letting Him clean you in the waters of baptism. Let Jesus and His Spirit re-make you. And likewise if you have let the world get the best of you turn back to Him and let Him fix you. He want you to be all that you were meant to be.
For more lessons click on the following link: http://granvillenychurchofchrist.org/?page_id=566