Trust and throwing Hippos
"I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him," she said to me. "Oh," I said, "and why’s that?" and she proceeded to tell me of a bad experience she had had with him about something. It would appear that the temptation to cover a person’s entire life with a blanket of distrust on the basis of one bad experience (or several bad experiences in the same area) is almost too strong to resist. We got into a lengthy discussion about this person who had been our mutual friend. I don’t remember how it went exactly but I know the direction it went and cutting out what would have been most of the plain and useful verbal moves on both sides we’re left with something like this.
"You mean you wouldn’t trust him in anything?" The hurt was still acute and what I got was a re-rehearsal of how wrong the wrong had been and then, "how can you trust a person like that?"
"You think he’d hurt his children or run around on his wife?
"Good heavens no."
"So there are things about him that you could bet on?"
"Well...(sigh)...of course."
"He was way out of line in this matter; he shouldn’t have treated you that way but you’re not prepared, are you, to blot out all the good things in his life?"
A hesitant and very slightly irritated, "No, but right now I’m not prepared to trust him again."
"I understand, but he’s been a good friend to us down the years, hasn’t he?"
"(Another sigh) Yes, I remember when..." and she told of a great kindness. More than one. Now the tone was softer.
Finally, "I’m sure you’ll work this out with him, a step at a time."
Still, it’s true that some of us by repeated failures show that we can’t be trusted with money. Some of us can’t be trusted in our relationship with the opposite sex and some of us don’t know how to bridle our tongue. Some of us are smug when successful or abusive when given authority or lazy when people are depending on us to get things done and on and on and on. And those that really do watch out for us in a discreet, strong and loving way are to be treasured even if their presence sometimes irks us.
In Romans 12:3 Paul thought it was vitally important that we recognise our limits. People are very wise as well as humble if for the sake of others they stay clear of situations they know they’re weak in. Should they seek growth and the exercise of virtue in those areas of weakness? They should seek maturity as a whole person; but if they know their limitations it’s good for them as well as others that they engage themselves in their areas of strength until they have reason to feel (under God) the ability to engage in other areas of service.
What we’re tempted to do with a single individual we’re tempted to do with a community of people.
Many years ago I went looking for a room to rent in Birmingham, England. In several parts of the city I saw signs outside the rental accommodation: No Irish! Some poor soul had had enough with former Irish tenants and had shut the door to all of us. Shame on those Irish that provoked that kind of thing. Shame too on those who shut us all out because some were a real pain in the neck. Though I can easily understand why the property owners would react the way they did, they robbed themselves of the benefit that another kind of Irish would bring. And when we close down on a whole believing community because someone mistreated us or one of their preachers went whacko, I’m certain that we’ve blundered at numerous levels. (If a strong pattern of mistreatment emerges it’s (past) time to examine underlying "causes".)
"That’s all very well, but you don’t know how badly hurt I’ve been." Oh, I know I have a comfortable life and that things with me and mine (while they aren’t perfect) are fine indeed, so I’m not about to compare myself with many poor souls that I know personally and a host I’ve heard of. I know too that I’ve deeply hurt many in my life but I must confess that I’ve been deeply hurt as well. All that to say, I would guess that the vast majority of us shouldn’t make an excuse out of how badly we’ve been hurt when we’re trying to justify our refusal to put ourselves at risk again. Or to admit that the offender is trustworthy in many other areas. Maybe it’ll help if we self-examine and know that despite our over-all trustworthiness there are areas we wouldn’t trust ourselves "as far as we could throw a hippo."
©2004 Jim McGuiggan. All materials are free to be copied and used as long as money is not being made.
Many thanks to brother Ed Healy, for allowing me to post from his website, the abiding word.com.