Why do we get married?
Why do we get married? There’s more than one good answer
and there are a lot of bad answers. "I got married because I got (or
got her) pregnant and under the circumstances there was little choice."
"I couldn’t stand my parents any longer." "My parents didn’t want me
around any more." "Well, it’s what you do, isn’t it?" "I thought it
would be best for the children." "It was expected of us." "Because the
Bible says that’s the only way sex is to happen."
It’s no news that for many people marriage has become a matter of
taste—like the extra potato, you either want it or you don’t. There are
lots of things to consider like, what if we don’t get along after a
while? We’d have to go through that whole divorce thing. Ugh. And we’ve
heard it destroys the pleasure of sex and puts love in a straightjacket,
romance and spontaneity dies. The popular song of some years back put
it in perspective—Gentle on my Mind. He likes his freedom so he
leaves his sleeping bag rolled up and stashed behind his girl-friend’s
(or wife’s) couch as he sips from this relationship or that before
free-wheeling out of town to somewhere else. "It’s knowing I’m not
shackled by forgotten words and bonds, and the ink stains that have
dried upon some line." Ah there it is, that’s the life, free as a bird
with no obligation other than to fulfil the current urge you feel
inside. And when that urge wears old drift until another comes to you.
The world and life is a warehouse of possible experiences and we’re here
for no other reason than to get our fill. Marriage only gets in the
way. And these days in the UK, thanks to successive governments who say
they are "committed to the family," it’s financially wiser to "live
together" (and even financially wiser to pretend you’re unmarried) than to get married.
George Eliot in a bitter essay made much of the fact that popular
preachers didn’t have to know a lot, that they were woefully ignorant of
so much that goes with living. I’m sure she had a point. But these days
I look at the wise heads in government and wonder how on earth they
could become so blind and ignorant. As Samuel Johnston said of an
acquaintance of his, "Such excess of stupidity, Sir, is not in nature."
Why do Christians get married? Well, in point of fact many of us
choose not to get married and provided our motivation is not sheer
selfishness that's all right with God too. Paul deals with all manner of
marital questions in 1 Corinthians 7 but I’m completely satisfied that
the early verses are a defense of a Christian’s right not to
get married. I’m persuaded that there were those who, believing that "it
is not good for man to be alone" (Genesis 2:18), were insisting that it
is not right to remain unmarried. Paul’s opening remarks defends the
single person’s right to choose to be single and even tells us that the
capacity to be chaste and unmarried is a gift of God. He urges the
advantages of chaste singleness throughout the chapter.
But for those who do get married: it’s hardly surprising that those
who make no claim to the Christ’s don’t see their getting married as an
aspect of their life before God in Jesus Christ. Why would they? But for
those who are Christians it surely should be. What Christians do with
their money, how they receive their food, the kind of speech that should
be characteristic of them, even the way they view their sorrow (1
Thessalonians 4:13) are all to be seen in light of their relationship to
God in Christ. How then should we view the covenant of marriage?
God made humans in his image as male and female (not male or female) and called their name
Adam (Genesis 5:1-2). So a single male or female together reflect the
divine image in humanity whether or not they are married but marriage is
that covenant instituted by God that holds that truth before us as
nothing else. When they marry they express in that covenant fellowship
their plural unity in and before God. Their sexual pleasure in and with
one another signifies the interdependence of the male and female—it says
that in the other the one finds completeness and completion. Adam said
of Eve, "Now [in contrast to his recognizing and naming the animals and
finding no suitable mate—Genesis 2:18-20] this is bone of my bones and
flesh of my flesh."
In marrying Christians confirm and proclaim that humans image the
divine fellowship in the Godhead. In marrying, Christians recognize and
proclaim God’s creation intention to bless humankind (Genesis 1:28). In
marrying, Christians rehearse the redeeming work of God in Jesus Christ
(Ephesians 5:21-25,29-33). In marrying, Christians commit to raising
unto God children that will be witnesses in the generations to come of
the redeeming work of God in Christ (Ephesians 6:4) See
When I say, "in marrying," I don’t mean just the initial act of
getting married, I mean, in living out the covenant they have entered in
the name of the Lord. Getting married is not just an initial act it is a
commitment to lifelong fidelity and working through the challenges, the
joys and hardships of life together. The more seriously we view
discipleship to the Lord Christ the more carefully will we reflect on
whom we will marry, the more patiently and cheerfully we will work with
the pain experienced within the union and how we will view divorce.